This is an incredibly wise point to remember! I would also like to add, though, that it is also very important to appreciate all the other things your spouse may do, even if it isn’t the correct “combination” for you to feel loved. I think both these points are key to a successful marriage: finding what you do that makes your spouse feel loved and being appreciative of all the ways they try to show their love for you. I think there would be a lot more happy, healthy marriages if both spouses would try to do these two things. It’s not always easy (I am far from perfect in it myself), but definitely worth it! haystacke: dad-isms: Because you believe you are doing everything that should prove that you love your spouse doesn’t mean they feel loved by what you are doing.   Everyone has a certain way, unique to them, that makes them feel loved regardless of how many great things you do on a daily basis. Finding out what that ‘thing’ is, specific to your spouse and applying it often is one of the keys to a great marriage. Being defensive because they want one thing and you consistently give them another will not change the combination on the lock, it will only frustrate both of you because the combination isn’t one you change.  It is the same as the day you bought the lock.   You’ll know the truth of this advice if you ever find yourself listing (with your palms facing your spouse in disbelief) all of the things you do that are great, but just not great for them, and explaining to them why they should be happy because of these things.  Its the equivalent of marrying a great cook that insists on cooking seafood all of the time when  you don’t really like seafood.  It doesn’t matter what award-winning seafood dish is served every day if you don’t like it that well in the first place.  

This is an incredibly wise point to remember! I would also like to add, though, that it is also very important to appreciate all the other things your spouse may do, even if it isn’t the correct “combination” for you to feel loved. I think both these points are key to a successful marriage: finding what you do that makes your spouse feel loved and being appreciative of all the ways they try to show their love for you. I think there would be a lot more happy, healthy marriages if both spouses would try to do these two things. It’s not always easy (I am far from perfect in it myself), but definitely worth it!

haystacke:

dad-isms:

Because you believe you are doing everything that should prove that you love your spouse doesn’t mean they feel loved by what you are doing.  

Everyone has a certain way, unique to them, that makes them feel loved regardless of how many great things you do on a daily basis.

Finding out what that ‘thing’ is, specific to your spouse and applying it often is one of the keys to a great marriage.

Being defensive because they want one thing and you consistently give them another will not change the combination on the lock, it will only frustrate both of you because the combination isn’t one you change.  It is the same as the day you bought the lock.  

You’ll know the truth of this advice if you ever find yourself listing (with your palms facing your spouse in disbelief) all of the things you do that are great, but just not great for them, and explaining to them why they should be happy because of these things. 

Its the equivalent of marrying a great cook that insists on cooking seafood all of the time when  you don’t really like seafood.  It doesn’t matter what award-winning seafood dish is served every day if you don’t like it that well in the first place.